Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
