Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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