READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
