I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
