Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
