I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
how drunk are you?
Several
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
