It's Friday. Sex?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
