dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize