This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
