Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
