My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Soap is not a condiment
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
