its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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