Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
We need a shit load of segways right now
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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