i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
