Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
