can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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