Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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