so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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