I cannot find my penis.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
