I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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