GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
