see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Even the bartender felt bad for me
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Randomize
