i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
