the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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