You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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