please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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