They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
