it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
