Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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