I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Randomize
