yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
