I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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