i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
It's blow job season.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
