So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I did not marry a roomba.
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