mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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