Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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