I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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