are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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