I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Too much gin, very little bucket
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
