I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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