omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
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