Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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