Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
