I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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