Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
we should paint friendship bongs
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