She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
