I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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