i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
