Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
