i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
