I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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