Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
