last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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