I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
