I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
