are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Randomize
