happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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