I understand Curling. That high.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
