Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
