Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
