38 yer olds are good kisserssss
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
i believe in u and ur pee
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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