You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
