you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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