ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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