I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
