Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
