we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
