White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
