i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
