I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
