How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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