I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Someone came in the potted fern
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize