Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
