You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
