Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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