all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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