Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize