dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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